dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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