Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
