dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
pop tarts are not kleenex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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