meet me or not, i'm out of control
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
