You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
