just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think people are normalizing furries
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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