I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
