about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
