imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize