I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
