so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
