so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
