i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
