Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
