the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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