hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
