Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
