All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
