Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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