Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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