Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
