$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
