This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
