my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
