So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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