I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
