think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
