I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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