Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
