No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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