Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
