This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
