Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize