I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
