ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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