ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
