he thought i was a dude.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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