Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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