my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize