Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
