drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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