and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize