We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
