He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
