he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize