his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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