dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize