i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
