i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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