Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
