i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
