how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
