Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
