I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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