On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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