my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
