Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
