just come out here and I will go home with you...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want her autograph on my taint
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
