I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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