You can't special order awesome
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
