After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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