Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize