I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
