I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
