morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
