So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
