i just made my gag reflex go away.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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