she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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