I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
