I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
