i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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