Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
