What a fucking waste of an outfit
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
