i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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