I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
