who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
