You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
