the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
