Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize