What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
